Julia Hess...the REAL me.

"I get kind of homesick sometimes, for my home I left before my birth.  For my other Mother and Father who I left to come to earth.  I miss all the heavenly peace of that place where no pain can be found. Where there is no hurt, and there is no hate, but only love around.  Till it's time to go back home, there's one thing to do, it's clear.  I'll try with my heart, I'll try with my hands to make a heaven here.: ~ My Turn On Earth

This song from my childhood has been stuck in my head all day, it explains perfectly some of the thoughts I've had.  Life is hard.  Fact of life everyone knows, but some days it just hits harder than others.  Yesterday and today have been hard ones, where I also realize how much I sincerely HATE satan.  I hate him.  He makes life seem so impossible, or in other words he makes God's plan look hard.  Easy=satans plan.  Nothing easy is worth having though.  Satan knows how I long to have the wonderful things in this world that make eternity possible.  Of course he's going to work hard on me, to make me feel pain, hopelessness, and sadness. NEWSFLASH.  Satan DOESN'T win.  Yet...it's so easy to allow him to hurt us whether or not we realize we do.  Sometimes I wish I was a child again.  You know when there are NO worries other than what barbie to play with that afternoon.

                                                   

That would be pointless though.  The entire reason we rejoiced at the thought of coming here was to go through this test, to be tried so that we could return to our Heavenly Father.  It helps me to realize that I chose this, and I DID know it was going to be hard.  It also helps me to remember that everything I do go through in this life is nothing compared to the incredible joy I'll feel if I make it home!

But then I start thinking about my kids... and they are who I'm REALLY homesick for.  Call me crazy, but I know they are so aware of me, and I just long to be with them.  I know I am not perfect, nor will I be the perfect mother, but that doesn't stop me from being incredibly excited!  They're probably thinking, "Will you just find dad already?!" And I'm like "BELIEVE ME KIDS I'm trying!" haha. 

 I think I have been asked one to many times with visits to my home ward etc "Julia, how old are you?  Are you dating anyone?  Why not?  A girl like you should be dating someone, stop wasting time."  Needless to say THIS GETS SO OLD.  Did the world just expect me to get married right out of high school or something?  I'm only 21 and yet I feel like people think I'm a lost cause already.  Never fear world, Julia here still believes in love and not just any kind of love. Eternal love that stands the tests of time, that forgives, envies not, is strong through trial and pure happiness, and to be honest I believe in marrying your absolute best friend.  The one where you can be 100% yourself with, crazy adventures, pranks, and the one you can laugh with every moment of every day.  So I'm sorry that I haven't found that spark yet, be patient everyone...because I'm having to be!  




The purpose of this post is not to be negative about being single, or upset at others opinions I promise.  I've just been reflecting a lot about how this life is not be be compared to the universal timeline.  Graduate from high school, go straight to college, get married, have babies...in that order.  No one has the right to hold that standard to anyone.  NO ONE.  This life is a beautiful and individual journey for everyone!  For the longest time as I've gone through Heavenly Father's plan for me, I allowed myself to feel like a failure.  Just looking at that sentence makes me cringe.  I could I possibly feel like a failure if I was following the spirit and doing what I KNEW God needed me to do?!  It's because I allowed the opinions of neighbors, friends and some family get to me.  I'll give them credit from the outside looking in, I suppose it could look like I was all over the place.  Moving from place to place, going from one doctors appointment to the next, and choosing to not go to school while I was sick. Without knowing the internal journey I was experiencing it could look questionable.  

One day I snapped.  I had had it!  I was DONE with caring what people thought, that is what was dragging me down.  For some reason, my entire life I have felt like people have held me at a really high standard.  Like the world was constantly watching my every move. 

 Seeing what "Julia Hess" would do next.  Was it my Hess name? Was it the fact that I'm a seminary teachers daughter and have the best parents?  Or was it the fact that I couldn't stand the thought of being a bad example to my little sisters?  Well all in all, over the years I have developed a perfectionist problem.  I felt like everyone expected me to be perfect, but alas I am NOT.  This has been the cause of endless tear filled nights, constant anxiety that I'll let people down, and constant feelings of inadequacy. 

                               *GUESS WHAT. I'M HUMAN* 

                                           

 This has been going on in my life since at LEAST 6th grade.  Most people are shocked to learn that I really struggle with this.  There is a reason I love theater...I'm good at acting.  And I am NOT saying that happy Julia is fake.  Not in the least, I truly believe that you can always be happy despite your situation.  God's plan = HAPPINESS!  But I'm good at hiding the hurt, and fear of failure. I noticed I used the word FEAR a lot.  Way more than I ever should.  I always was reminded by the spirit that "FEAR is the OPPOSITE of FAITH" but instead of taking that as a challenge I beat myself up for fearing. 

NO MORE.  I CAN'T DO THIS ANY LONGER.  I don't want to live with fear in my heart.  Despite the pain, heartache, and hard situations I have faced especially these past two years, I don't want to live with the crutch of fear.  I want to trust my Savior in every single aspect of my life, and truly believe that He will do as He promises in John 14:18 "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."  I KNOW He will!  I'm coming to really realize that Christ does not expect me to be perfect, so why should I care is anyone else does?


Something BEAUTIFUL happens when you don't care what others think.  Seriously. TRY IT OUT.  We all say, "Oh I don't care what they think..." but more often than not you do.  When all I cared was my Heavenly Father's opinion of me happiness just became an every day thing.  Even if nothing extraordinary happened.  Even if work is boring or I'm so busy I can't think I'm still happy.  WHEN YOU ARE AT ONE WITH YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.  Since taking on this mentality I sincerely don't care what people think.  I've gotten comments recently about being single, not going on a mission or what I'm doing with my life but I don't care.  I know I'm following GOD'S plan for me.

So am I homesick?  Yes.  Yes I am.  Will that only continue to grow as I come closer to my Father in Heaven?  You better believe it, but I'm ok with that.  Afterall, this life is meant for us to do all we can to return to Him.  The more homesick I get, the more eager I am to do what's right.

So in conclusion, I want to say thank you.  Thank you to my incredible friends and especially family who have stayed by my side as I have been going through my trials.  Thank you for drying my tears, letting me vent, and mostly for being extremely patient with my imperfections.  Thank you for LOVING me despite them.  It means more to me than you'll ever know!  I'm thankful for the angels, yes you, in my life.  Because of you happiness is smiling upon me, walking my way, sharing my day.  God bless you!  And lastly, I promise if you're struggling in ANY WAY Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have the solution and comfort you need.  Don't wait any longer.  GO TO THEM.  I know this to be true!

I hope you all have a beautiful day FULL of happiness!

xoxo,

Julia

Not Too Far From Here...

So much is on my mind these days… life changes in an instant, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But, the fact that this truth is exciting to me now is so refreshing. After high school I felt like every change that happened was negative. I lost friends, my health declined, and I really struggled with being happy. It was so unlike me. I experienced feelings I didn’t know I could, and I wondered when I would be happy again. These were very, dark times for me, but there was such beauty in it. My Heavenly Father was with me ever moment. Even when I was feeling so much pain, sadness and heartache I was never alone. For those who know me well, being alone is my worst fear. I love people too much to ever be alone. There were times I would be discouraged and doubt. That is when loneliness seeped in. My Father in Heaven never abandoned me, I put myself in a state of mind where I couldn’t feel His grace and love surrounding me. I never want to feel that way again. I read this beautiful scripture that helped me so much. “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.” (D&C 68:6) He was and is always looking over me. When I realized I could choose to feel happiness and God’s love 24/7 I felt ashamed at first. I had wasted all this time being sad, when happiness was just a choice. I could have it at any moment of any day. I’ve gained the strongest testimony that our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ are always there. Christ stands at the door and knocks. “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” (Rev 3: 20) All we need to do is LET HIM IN. That’s all, and yet why is that sometimes the HARDEST thing to do? I know for me, I felt guilty that I had not fully let Him in sooner. I didn’t want Him to know of my doubt, my weakness and mistakes. It didn’t take long to realize that I was in the wrong. If I DIDN’T let Him in, that is where the true mistake would be. “Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, nine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.” (3 Nephi 9:14) The Atonement of Christ is so real. If you do not have a testimony of the greatest gift our Savior has given us, I pray that you do so now. Heavenly Father loves each of His children despite our mistakes, sins, and disobedience. I’m grateful for the opportunity I have to repent because I am nowhere near perfect.

One of the greatest blessings that came from my hard times these past two years, was learning empathy. I felt things I never thought I would, I was treated poorly in ways I feel no one deserves, and I honestly had my moments of feeling completely hopeless. Some look at these moments as punishments, or unfair. I know I did for a long time, but Heavenly Father has helped me see the real reasoning behind these trials. Two years ago I would have NEVER considered Social Work. I had no idea what it even was! One day last year, I went out to lunch with my mom. I was really at a low point at this time. I shared with her my concerns that happiness was a chore, and I felt so alone. As we drove home I witnessed something I will never forget. I witnessed a neighbor physically abusing his beautiful one year old baby. I was OUTRAGED. I could not stop crying. We of course called the police, but I could not calm down. I was crying all day, I couldn’t stop and that in itself worried me. My family was even worried. My mom had witnessed it as well, but she composed herself and went about her day, doing her job as a mother. As I was trying to understand why it affected me so deeply (honestly…I don’t see how child abuse CAN’T affect someone in a negative way, it’s just wrong) I felt the spirit whisper something to me. I felt the reason I was so upset in that moment was because I didn’t have the authority to do something about it then and there in that moment. All I could do was call the police. Legally my right was to simply pick up the phone. It was in this moment that I knew God was showing me my calling in life. After fasting and prayer, I came to the conclusion that I would major in Social Work Emphasizing in Child Abuse Prevention to become a Child Advocate.

First thought: SCARED TO DEATH. I have always had a tender spot for children in my heart. I love them, can’t get enough of them. I can’t wait to be a mother myself someday. I questioned, “How can I POSSIBLY do this, when it affects me so much?” I have also gained a testimony for pondering. It is in my quiet moments of pondering that Heavenly Father brought events from my life back into my mind that has been preparing me for this calling for years. When I was 10 years old my family and I went to the Olympics. While we were there, we came across a protestor who had a huge graphic picture of abortion. I will never forget it. (or the anger of my parents at that man for allowing innocent children to see such evil) It again affected me so deeply. I cried and cried. I kept asking my mom, “How could anyone hurt a baby, how mom?” While it did upset my other siblings, they quickly forgot and went about having an enjoyable time at the Olympics. I just couldn’t get myself to let it go. My mom told me she’ll never forget that day and how it made me feel. She told me she was surprised at how it affected me. I went throughout the rest of the day holding my mom’s hand, quietly crying and rattling my brain at the evil this world possessed. Another moment I had this summer really has helped me see the strength I had. I was a leader for my stakes Girls Camp. We were going on a hike, and we were walking over a rushing river on a large tree trunk. I had the impression to go another way further down stream, I had no idea why but I did it. Out of nowhere I hear this HUGE CRASH! One of the branches on the trunk had broken, while supporting my beautiful little sister Savannah. She has crashed into the current and was rushing down the river gasping for air. Luckily I was further downstream and instantly jumped in. *Little background* I am not a risk taker when it comes to safety. EVER. You can put me on any rollercoaster and I’ll love it, but when safety is an issue, I don’t even go there. In this moment NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING mattered more to me than her safety. Thankfully I was able to get to her in time to help her get out. We were able to get out of the river, and she was ok minus the bruises and cuts she got. I learned something so valuable about myself that day. When it comes to it, in the moment if a child’s safety in on the line, I will stop at nothing until they are ok. I had no idea I was like that until this summer.

God is so amazing. He has given me the courage to become someone I could not become alone. I have received so many interesting comments when I tell people my major. “Oh, I’m so sorry that stinks.” “Oh my…that must be so hard. Why would you ever choose that Julia?” “Oh man…can you get out of it?” “Why would you ever put yourself in that kind of grief.” Well, I was upset at most of these comments. It’s not like I am forced to do this. Then I decided to take this as a compliment and a confirmation that I’m doing the right thing. I am grateful that my attitude on it is this. I get to help save children’s lives. I get to be an angel to souls who need love. I want to be that person who instills hope that there is a God and angels out there protecting these children. Will it be easy? Heavens no… Will I have nights where I just come home crying because of the evil in this world? You better believe I will. But will I be blessed to handle it. No doubt. Heavenly Father will give me strength. Saving these children mean more to me than having comfort in “saving myself from sadness.”

I hope and pray everyone reading this will come to know that we each have a special calling in this world. Whether it be a mother, Engineer, Teacher, Chef, Performer, or comedian. Every gift is given from a loving Heavenly Father. If you have yet to find your calling, don’t worry. It takes a lot of trial and error. But, I PROMISE if you put your life in God’s hands and follow His plan for you He will reveal it to you. He wants nothing less than His children to be successful. Every calling is meant to bless lives, bring smiles, and encourage goodness in this world. Don’t wait. Start now on the journey to learn what you are foreordained to do. Remember, God is always there with His hands stretched forth waiting for you to take it. Take it, and I promise your life will be far more joyful and beautiful when you do His will. I have prepared a slideshow that shows my feelings through music more than words can. It's to the song "Not Too Far From Here" I hope you enjoy the quotes and pictures of our Savior. Listen to the words of the song, they describe perfectly why I want to be a social worker. I testify of these things and the love our Savior Jesus Christ has for us in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior Amen.

My Best Friend Courtney’s Wedding!

I. LOVE. WEDDINGS.  Oh my goodness, ever since I was a little girl I have absolutely loved them.  I was even a bride for Halloween when I was in pre-school.  I believe that is saying something!  goodness.  I just can’t believe that I am at the age where some of my VERY BEST FRIENDS are getting married!  Jane Stowell Winspear has been married a year…that is insane!

On June 25, 2011 My dear and wonderful friend Courtney Grimm got MARRIED!  To a FABULOUS man Drew Thomas.  I am so happy for her.  She asked me to be her bridesmaid, oh my goodness I was so grateful.  My first time!  It’s always been a dream of mine!

Well here is a brief history of our friendship.  In May 2008 Courtney and I were hired at Hale Center Theater Orem and we literally became instant friends.  I always looked forward to working with her and I just loved it.  Allison Woolley my other best friend from the Hale was also a bridesmaid.  We were the “threesome” of the Hale.  We just click.  We are all so DIFFERENT but that’s what makes us WORK.  I just love them. 

 

In the summer of 2009 Drew came home from his mission and started working at the Hale.  We were at a work meeting and I was sitting by Courtney when we saw him for the first time.  He walked in and Court leaned over to me and whispered, “ I want him.”  I just laughed….and now they’re married!  Wow, what a crazy and wonderful world this is.  So the rest is history!

 

Two weeks before the wedding we had a fabulous bridal shower at Courtney’s grandmother’s home.  We played games, had delicious cupcakes, and just talked.

THE BIG DAY CAME!!!  Oh Courtney looked GLORIOUS.  I just loved seeing the love on Drew and Courtney’s faces.  Allison and I waited outside of the temple with anxiousness!  Our best friend was being SEALED FOR TIME AND ALL ETERNITY!  Big deal.  Here are some pics at the temple.

We then went to a luncheon at The Old Spaghetti Factory.  OH my word it was DELICIOUS.  So great.

RECEPTION TIME!  I was so excited, oh my word.  I’ve heard all about the plans for weeks and it was finally time to be put in MOTION!!!  We wore beautiful gray dresses with the wedding color shirts underneath.  It was such a joy to be there.  Allison and I helped gather presents and we played with her little niece oh she was such a doll!

The decorations were so pretty!  she had this beautiful bird/vintage garden theme going on.  SO COURTNEY and so classy

popcorn machine…YUMMO.

Fun candy bar!

My favorite part, the soft serve ice cream! DELISH!

These were the TASTIEST cupcakes I’ve ever eaten.  Oh they were fantastic!

I can’t believe they found a cake topper than described Courtney so perfectly…”still shopping…” Oh I loved this.

I loved the silver chairs and oh I absolutely loved the silver picture frames with the flower arrangements inside.  Such an elegant touch.

As the guests walked in you could write them warm wishes or advice on papers cut out in the shape of birds and put them on this cute tree.  Such a great idea.

such a cute touch, they had Courtney’s bird at the wedding

The wedding could not have turned out more beautiful!  I love Courtney and Drew!  They are amazing together, and I know they’re going to have an amazing life together.

Now the question is…who’s next?  Allison,                                           or Me?! 

I’m really thinking….ALLISON.  But…we’ll just have to wait and see

Good Ol’ Idaho

Well June 3-10 I was in Good Ol’ Idaho!  I have been many times in my life to visit my grandparents but this was one of the greatest of all.  I was babysitting my little sister Danielle while my parents and two sisters Ashlee and Savannah were doing EFY.  So we all ventured to Idaho on Friday the third.  It was a long drive, or so it felt I soon learned driving to Nauvoo (that’ll be in a post to come).  We arrived and instantly went to the tramp and swings.  I mean hello, they are one of  the many things that makes our grandparents home as magical as it is.

Aren’t my sisters purty?!  haha Idaho also brings the country girl out in me.  We had a great first day at Idaho!

The next day our sweet cousins came over.  We had a lot of fun together!

We had a BBQ, painted nails, played games, and just enjoyed being as a family.  Then we said goodbye to our Dad, Mom, and Savannah.  (Ash stayed home, she had a party or something of that sort)

The next day was Sunday.  We had a lovely church and dinner with our grandparents.  While they were at choir practice Danielle and I got bored so we took best friend pictures

When they got back we went to our cousin McKayla’s piano recital and she did a wonderful job.  We were not feeling so good.  The day before when our cousins came over, three of their little ones were throwing up.  Apparently they thought they were just upset so they would throw up?  Well here’s a little history with as little details as possible.  I haven’t thrown up in 10 years and I was very proud of that!  I hate, no despise it.  Anyway…right after we get back from her recital we get VIOLENTLY ill.   It was the WORSE.  Then I found out my dad was really sick back at home and that is when I got upset, he had so much to do this next week!  So ALL NIGHT I was taking care of Danielle and myself.  I was sicker than I had been in 10 years so I was just upset and should have had a better attitude.  No worries, no pictures for this part! haha.

One reason being sick was such a hard part of being there is because the next day a huge birthday party was planned for Danielle!  It was super frustrating but Heavenly Father blessed her with strength and she had a fabulous TANGLED party planned be my amazing aunt Mariann and grandma Janet.  Here are yet more pics!

One of my gifts to her was a tangled shirt to wear she looked so cute!

Then Maximus came and gave the children a carriage ride.

We then had games, cake, and presents.  It was a fantastic party!

The next day we just chilled.  Continued to heal, played games, made jewelry and more!  One of my favorite parts was driving through the country with my grandpa, while he told me countless stories of his beautiful town of Blackfoot Idaho.  IT IS BEAUTIFUL.  I truly discovered that there IS a huge part of me that is a country girl.

Then my lil sis and my sweet cousin Sam decided to get crazy for the camera.

In conclusion, my trip to Idaho was crazy, fun, sick, and full of adventure!  Thanks to my family for making it great!