So much is on my mind these days… life changes in an instant, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But, the fact that this truth is exciting to me now is so refreshing. After high school I felt like every change that happened was negative. I lost friends, my health declined, and I really struggled with being happy. It was so unlike me. I experienced feelings I didn’t know I could, and I wondered when I would be happy again. These were very, dark times for me, but there was such beauty in it. My Heavenly Father was with me ever moment. Even when I was feeling so much pain, sadness and heartache I was never alone. For those who know me well, being alone is my worst fear. I love people too much to ever be alone. There were times I would be discouraged and doubt. That is when loneliness seeped in. My Father in Heaven never abandoned me, I put myself in a state of mind where I couldn’t feel His grace and love surrounding me. I never want to feel that way again. I read this beautiful scripture that helped me so much. “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.” (D&C 68:6) He was and is always looking over me. When I realized I could choose to feel happiness and God’s love 24/7 I felt ashamed at first. I had wasted all this time being sad, when happiness was just a choice. I could have it at any moment of any day. I’ve gained the strongest testimony that our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ are always there. Christ stands at the door and knocks. “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” (Rev 3: 20) All we need to do is LET HIM IN. That’s all, and yet why is that sometimes the HARDEST thing to do? I know for me, I felt guilty that I had not fully let Him in sooner. I didn’t want Him to know of my doubt, my weakness and mistakes. It didn’t take long to realize that I was in the wrong. If I DIDN’T let Him in, that is where the true mistake would be. “Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, nine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.” (3 Nephi 9:14) The Atonement of Christ is so real. If you do not have a testimony of the greatest gift our Savior has given us, I pray that you do so now. Heavenly Father loves each of His children despite our mistakes, sins, and disobedience. I’m grateful for the opportunity I have to repent because I am nowhere near perfect.
One of the greatest blessings that came from my hard times these past two years, was learning empathy. I felt things I never thought I would, I was treated poorly in ways I feel no one deserves, and I honestly had my moments of feeling completely hopeless. Some look at these moments as punishments, or unfair. I know I did for a long time, but Heavenly Father has helped me see the real reasoning behind these trials. Two years ago I would have NEVER considered Social Work. I had no idea what it even was! One day last year, I went out to lunch with my mom. I was really at a low point at this time. I shared with her my concerns that happiness was a chore, and I felt so alone. As we drove home I witnessed something I will never forget. I witnessed a neighbor physically abusing his beautiful one year old baby. I was OUTRAGED. I could not stop crying. We of course called the police, but I could not calm down. I was crying all day, I couldn’t stop and that in itself worried me. My family was even worried. My mom had witnessed it as well, but she composed herself and went about her day, doing her job as a mother. As I was trying to understand why it affected me so deeply (honestly…I don’t see how child abuse CAN’T affect someone in a negative way, it’s just wrong) I felt the spirit whisper something to me. I felt the reason I was so upset in that moment was because I didn’t have the authority to do something about it then and there in that moment. All I could do was call the police. Legally my right was to simply pick up the phone. It was in this moment that I knew God was showing me my calling in life. After fasting and prayer, I came to the conclusion that I would major in Social Work Emphasizing in Child Abuse Prevention to become a Child Advocate.
First thought: SCARED TO DEATH. I have always had a tender spot for children in my heart. I love them, can’t get enough of them. I can’t wait to be a mother myself someday. I questioned, “How can I POSSIBLY do this, when it affects me so much?” I have also gained a testimony for pondering. It is in my quiet moments of pondering that Heavenly Father brought events from my life back into my mind that has been preparing me for this calling for years. When I was 10 years old my family and I went to the Olympics. While we were there, we came across a protestor who had a huge graphic picture of abortion. I will never forget it. (or the anger of my parents at that man for allowing innocent children to see such evil) It again affected me so deeply. I cried and cried. I kept asking my mom, “How could anyone hurt a baby, how mom?” While it did upset my other siblings, they quickly forgot and went about having an enjoyable time at the Olympics. I just couldn’t get myself to let it go. My mom told me she’ll never forget that day and how it made me feel. She told me she was surprised at how it affected me. I went throughout the rest of the day holding my mom’s hand, quietly crying and rattling my brain at the evil this world possessed. Another moment I had this summer really has helped me see the strength I had. I was a leader for my stakes Girls Camp. We were going on a hike, and we were walking over a rushing river on a large tree trunk. I had the impression to go another way further down stream, I had no idea why but I did it. Out of nowhere I hear this HUGE CRASH! One of the branches on the trunk had broken, while supporting my beautiful little sister Savannah. She has crashed into the current and was rushing down the river gasping for air. Luckily I was further downstream and instantly jumped in. *Little background* I am not a risk taker when it comes to safety. EVER. You can put me on any rollercoaster and I’ll love it, but when safety is an issue, I don’t even go there. In this moment NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING mattered more to me than her safety. Thankfully I was able to get to her in time to help her get out. We were able to get out of the river, and she was ok minus the bruises and cuts she got. I learned something so valuable about myself that day. When it comes to it, in the moment if a child’s safety in on the line, I will stop at nothing until they are ok. I had no idea I was like that until this summer.
God is so amazing. He has given me the courage to become someone I could not become alone. I have received so many interesting comments when I tell people my major. “Oh, I’m so sorry that stinks.” “Oh my…that must be so hard. Why would you ever choose that Julia?” “Oh man…can you get out of it?” “Why would you ever put yourself in that kind of grief.” Well, I was upset at most of these comments. It’s not like I am forced to do this. Then I decided to take this as a compliment and a confirmation that I’m doing the right thing. I am grateful that my attitude on it is this. I get to help save children’s lives. I get to be an angel to souls who need love. I want to be that person who instills hope that there is a God and angels out there protecting these children. Will it be easy? Heavens no… Will I have nights where I just come home crying because of the evil in this world? You better believe I will. But will I be blessed to handle it. No doubt. Heavenly Father will give me strength. Saving these children mean more to me than having comfort in “saving myself from sadness.”
I hope and pray everyone reading this will come to know that we each have a special calling in this world. Whether it be a mother, Engineer, Teacher, Chef, Performer, or comedian. Every gift is given from a loving Heavenly Father. If you have yet to find your calling, don’t worry. It takes a lot of trial and error. But, I PROMISE if you put your life in God’s hands and follow His plan for you He will reveal it to you. He wants nothing less than His children to be successful. Every calling is meant to bless lives, bring smiles, and encourage goodness in this world. Don’t wait. Start now on the journey to learn what you are foreordained to do. Remember, God is always there with His hands stretched forth waiting for you to take it. Take it, and I promise your life will be far more joyful and beautiful when you do His will. I have prepared a slideshow that shows my feelings through music more than words can. It's to the song "Not Too Far From Here" I hope you enjoy the quotes and pictures of our Savior. Listen to the words of the song, they describe perfectly why I want to be a social worker. I testify of these things and the love our Savior Jesus Christ has for us in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior Amen.
